


Lost In The Void

by Sashataakheru



Series: '...And You Will Know Us' Archangel AU [1]
Category: The Move RPF
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Fallen Angels, First Transformations, Gen, Hospitalisation, Judaism, Mental Illness, Minor Character Death, Psychosis, References to Sexual Assault, Rituals, incarnate archangels, purifications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azriel has never Fallen before. Xe finds xemself awakened as Ace plunges into the waters of the mikvah, beginning a period of internal chaos as xe tries to understand what has happened to xem and why xe has Fallen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost In The Void

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'first transformations' for hc_bingo round four. My card is [here](http://3evilmuses.dreamwidth.org/68153.html).

Xe stood on the first step of the mikvah, the slightly cool water lapping at xyr ankles. Xe had prepared for this moment for the past three years. Xyr wings, invisible though they were to the rest of the world, hung heavy against xyr back, calm, but ready to fly.

There were two women watching, making sure the mitzvah was observed properly. Ace felt utterly out of place, exposing xyr skinny body to them. Xe did not look much like a girl, and had rarely shown xyr naked body to anyone else. At least, xe had never done so willingly.

A force xe could not identify propelled xem forward, and xe stepped down into the water. At its deepest, the water reached halfway up xyr chest. Xyr feet made out the dancing patterns of the tiles beneath xem. There was a part of xyr brain that wasn't sure why xe was even doing this, converting to Judaism, but then xe took a breath and plunged under the water, as if the hand of Ha-Shem had forced xem under.

No sound penetrated the water. Ace caught sight of flashes of bright light shifting over the walls. Xyr wings, too, felt heavier, as if they were suddenly soaking wet. Xe was sure xe only stayed under for a very brief period of time, but it felt like a lifetime under there in the cool water.

The voice of the woman proclaiming the mitzvah had been conpleted was the first sound xe heard as xe rose back out of the water. Xe felt somewhat dazed, but not in a bad way. Xyr wings felt even heavier, now that they were out of the water, and soon enough, they pulled xem back under for a second time.

The bright light reflecting off the walls of the mikvah increased,and seemed to be more than just light reflecting off the lights into the water. Indeed, xe was sure xe caught sight of a figure flitting through the water, but xe had risen out of the water before xe could see what it was.

That same voice run out, bringing xem closer to G-d.

The third immersion was, perhaps, not entirely voluntary. Ace found xemself puled down and pushed around, the water like solid hands as it moved xem. The water was almost blinding now, and it was then as xe turned to look at the wall ahead that xe saw an Archangel staring back at xem. Xe saw a glowing being with a multitude of wings, their body covered with eyes.

"I am Azriel," whispered a voice in xyr head, and a feeling of intense pain and fire ripped through xyr body.

Ace felt the breath knocked from xem as xe was pushed backwards and then thrust up into the cool air again. this time, xe felt very different. Gone was the physical body xe had spent the last sixteen years living in. Now, xe was built of light, and xyr wings finally felt free.

Ace didn't know what on earth had happened, and wasn't particularly aware of what was going on. Xe turned and walked up the stairs, leaving the mikvah behind. Xe did not see the women collapse to the floor as xe passed, nor knew the reason why.

Xe had never felt so powerful. Fire burnt in xyr eyes, and as xe left the mikvah, xe spread xyr wings, feeling them stretch and reach out without confinement. And then xe was flying, a being of holy fire soaring into the sky towards the Heavens.

* * *

It was the last thing Ace was consciously aware of for the next seven weeks. The Archangel had been awoken, and xyr power was unrestrained. Afterwards, Ace would recognise it as psychosis. While the Archangel manifest in xyr body walked in the world, xe was not really sure what was going on. Memories from a thousand different people flooded xyr mind. Xe lost any sense of xemself as a person. What xe did, only Azriel knows.

There were other Angels around. Ace didn't always know who they were, nor did they always introduce themselves. Lucifer was xyr most constant companion. Ace never quite knew if they were physically present, or just a symptom of xyr madness, but xe felt calm when they were around. Lucifer would cradle Ace in their arms, promise xem that they were working to bind Azriel back in xyr body so xe could live again. Ace didn't really care what they were doing, not really. Lucifer would be with xem, offering comfort and help.

"I thought you'd be older when Azriel first broke free. I thought you'd be able to handle it. I didn't know Azriel wanted to be free so badly," Lucifer offered by way of an apology.

"But - I am Azriel. Aren't I?" Ace could never quite work out what xyr name was.

"You are Azriel, yes, in human form. Ace is your human name," Lucifer said.

Ace brushed them off, though xe felt it was Azriel doing it more than the human. "Names are names, Sami. I care not for your tricks," Azriel said, and xyr voice was vibrant and terrible as xe spoke.

All Ace remembered of that exchange was Lucifer picking xem up in xyr arms, calling on Rafa'el, and then nothing but darkness and fire.

* * *

The white room was disorienting. Xyr mind offered no explanation as to where xe was and why xe was there. Xe slipped out of bed and went to the door, hoping to find someone to talk to, but the door was locked. Xe was locked in. Panic crept up into the pit of xyr stomach. Xe banged on the door, trying to get someone's attention.

"Is anyone there? Where am I? What's going on? I don't know why I'm here. Please, I don't know where I am," Ace shouted at the door.

Xe tried for half an hour, but there was no response. Scared and unsure, xe returned to xyr bed and began to cry. Maybe xe would never get out of here. Maybe this would be xyr home for the rest of xyr life.

A hand rested gently on xyr shoulder. "Don't cry, my Angel. You're safe. Lucifer has brought you to safety. Azriel has weakened you, and you must rest. Try to trust the people you meet here. They only want to help. I will be watching over you, Azriel. I will always be with you, Ace. Call on me, if you should ever need me."

Ace looked over at them, seeing them standing beside the bed. "Sami - Sami, please."

Lucifer sat down beside xem and brought xem into a hug, stroking xyr hair softly as they tried to comfort them. "It'll be alright, my Angel. I know it's hard, and it's frightening, but it will all be worth it, I promise. Azriel, you are not used to being human, and you have so much to learn. But do not be afraid, my Angel. Lucifer knows what it is like, and I am here to watch over you. Yes, you have Fallen, and yes, it is a shock so severe that it breaks your heart. I know you crave Ha-Shem's love, and you will receive it in time, but for now, you must live like this. The human body is weak, Azriel, the mind fragile. You can't manifest down here or you will die, and knowing what you need to learn, Ha-Shem will send you to another body, and to another body, until such time as you have earned your place back in the Heavens. Have courage, Azriel. Unlike me, you will rise again into Ha-Shem's love. I am forever Fallen, but you will find yourself in His presence again. He loves you fiercely. Never forget that."

Ace could feel the frightened yearning of the Archangel inside xem, and saw flashes of Heaven, memories of what once was. Xe held onto Lucifer's embrace, suddenly left with things xe had not anticipated dealing with. Xe had no idea what to do now. Sitting there in the dark, xyr wings curling around them both, xe prayed with Lucifer, asking to be let back into Heaven.


End file.
